


Fireworks Were Lovely, Once

by Arrias_Enigmatic



Category: Sonic the Hedgehog (Video Games), Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types
Genre: (Shadow's afraid to admit it though), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Birthday Party, Fireworks, Fireworks as a plot point, Flashback, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I finished the first half at 4 AM, Nonbinary Shadow The Hedgehog, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Relationship, Psychological Trauma, Shadow has a birthday party and it doesn't go to well, Shadow is slightly OOC, Shadow is warming up to Sonic & Co but not quite there yet, Sonadow- Freeform, Space Colony ARK, TEAM DARK IS A FAMILY!!, Takes place before Sonic Colors, The Sonadow is if you squint, This came to me in the wee hours of the morning, Trauma, don't be like Shadow and try to 'grin and bear' it, listen here if something is causing you to have a panic attack take a break and calm yourself, the ice cube method helps, word count: 1000-5000 - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:01:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26143780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arrias_Enigmatic/pseuds/Arrias_Enigmatic
Summary: When Shadow was still new to the world, he and Maria decided they would have fireworks the first night the arrived planetside.One year since defeating the Finalhazard and his fall from orbit, Shadow has a birthday party. He decides to have fireworks as part of it.They were... louder than he remembered.
Relationships: Maria Robotnik & Shadow the Hedgehog, Rouge the Bat & Shadow the Hedgehog, Rouge the Bat & Shadow the Hedgehog & Sonic the Hedgehog, Shadow the Hedgehog & Sonic the Hedgehog, Shadow the Hedgehog/Sonic the Hedgehog
Comments: 11
Kudos: 94





	Fireworks Were Lovely, Once

**Author's Note:**

> My first work on AO3! I really enjoyed writing this, as I've stated in the tags I finished writing the first half at 4 A.M. I've had this idea for a few days and really wanted to write it out. I got inspired after binge reading Tirainy's Sonadow fics, they're all so great!! (This is where the I found the term 'biohog' to describe Shadow. Go check out their works!!)
> 
> Some actual notes:  
> \- Shadow is Nonbinary and uses both He/Him and They/Them Pronouns  
> -This takes place 2 weeks before Sonic Colors  
> -The strike-through sections are Shadow's thoughts that he keeps to himself. Dude is comfortable around them, but he ain't gonna spill all his thoughts.  
> -FUCK what was said on Twitter, Team Dark is a family!! (He's afraid to admit so because he doesn't want another accident like Maria.)  
> -Since the Sonic timeline is W H A C K (sorta), I thought it would be fitting for the events of SA2 to take place over the course of 17 days (including stuff before Hero Story), ending on Shadow's birthday. Why? Angst fuel.
> 
> HUGE thank you @TheMostMysteriousOne on the Pocket Hog Discord for beta reading this!!

When Shadow was still new to the world, when Maria still breathed, when all seemed right, when the soldier's still deemed the project, and by default him, safe, the biohog would sit with his ~~sister~~ friend and talk of all they would see together once they arrived planetside. Many things would be discussed at various lengths, long and short, a few seconds to a few hours, any and all in between lengths. 

One such conversation, although not long by others, had captivated a still young Shadow.

"Fireworks? People just… shoot fire into the sky? What's the point of that? They lob a ball of fire into the sky and enjoy it??" Maria could see him looking at nonexistent calculations that flew by him. She giggled as she turned the colored pages.

"No, no, they don't do that." She thought for a moment. "No, these are fireworks." She turned the book so Shadow could view it alongside her. "They're containers that hold a special colored powder that sparks when the fuse is lit. All of them shoot outwards in different directions, if they have more than one set up. Some you set on the ground, some you can hold." 

Shadow scanned the photos, enthralled by bright displays. Many different colors and shapes captivated his eyes as he flipped the pages. He stopped at a set where the colored plasma still stood out from the nighttime, yet held no containers from which they were fired from.

"These don't have containers." He held the book closer to Maria.

"Oh they do. They have a special kind, this one launches a ball-"

"So they do throw fireballs!" He gave her an 'I was right' smile.

"-Launch, Shadow. They launch a special ball containing the powder, and once it's high in the sky, it bursts open, releasing and lighting said powder, lighting up the sky with a beautiful display!"

Their eyes went wide, looking between the photos and Maria, a smile growing wider each pass. 

"Hey, once we reach the planet, let's go get some fireworks. So we can light them up as a celebration for making it down!"

She smiled at his enthusiasm. "That would be wonderful! Which kind should we get?"

"All of them!" 

She laughed, both embracing in a loving hug. Shadow bounced in excitement on the bed, careful of the IV drip in her arm.

He decided fireworks were lovely.

θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ 

As the capsule neared the treetops, in the distance Shadow could faintly see vibrant, excited colors dance across the sky for a few moments, growing in size, before fading out with soft flickering.

_"I made it Maria. They're celebrating for me."_

The silent crashing of trees and smoking earth was his last sight before his long rest.

He decided fireworks were melancholy. 

  
  


θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ 

It had been a year since Shadow was released from his freezing capsule, fifty weeks and four days since he fell and slept again. 

Ten months since Rouge woke him up with no memory, and made a ~~family~~ team with him and his new ~~family member~~ associate Omega. 

Eight months since the invasion of the Black arms, thirty-three weeks since he killed his ~~father~~ DNA provider. Thirty two since his memory came back in (mostly) full. Seven months since he joined G.U.N., climbing the ranks in one month until he was an elite agent alongside Rouge. Omega came the next day. 

Twenty nine weeks since he met an ancient Gizoid that had been ~~tested on~~ worked with Professor Gerald back on the ARK ~~(he remembered seeing him only twice before a large section of the ARK ended up decimated),~~ twenty seven since he watched the ~~Gizoid~~ Emrel thank him and his friends as he died. 

Twenty three weeks since ~~Mephiles was released from the Dark Scepter, traveling through time to stop him, Sonic dying and the end of the world, Sonic being brought back and he, Sonic, and Silver killed Solaris and the timeline changed~~ Rouge had brought him and Omega to Soleanna's Festival of the Sun, meeting Sonic and his friends there and having an enjoyable time. 

Four months since he met Silver ~~a~~ ~~gain, he still remembers the back-of-the-head roundhouse kick from the first time,~~ and freed his friends from card prisons made by Dr. Eggman Nega.

Three to two months since taking place in two Extreme Gear Grand Prix (between them dealing with space anti gravity bracelets). ~~He still wants the money from the second~~. 

One month since the world split apart and worked a worldwide operation to push back forces from Dr. Eggman and Dark Gaia. His Chaos abilities went wack during then because of the Emeralds' power being drained. Sonic's ~~(Werehog, who came up with that? Sounded weird.)~~ nighttime form was certainly curious. ~~And strong, he still had some trouble with his right arm. Idiot forgot to let go when Shadow was swung around.~~

All in all, Shadow had a busy year. So much so, they didn't even realise it _had_ been a year. 

So came as a surprise when Sonic came over to hang out as a one year anniversary of when the two met. The actual day they met (one would think it was the day before, but it was 3:00 AM on the dot when Shadow saw Sonic face to face). They'd gotten to talking, casual conversation, not brief, clipped conversations, as it was in the earlier months after he came back after the Neo Metal Sonic debacle. 

He doesn't remember how ~~(he's lying. He does remember, it came after the topic of which cakes actually were cakes, and not just in-name-only imitators)~~ it came to the subject of his birthday.

"So when is your birthday, Shads?" Sonic leaned in forward, eager to gain this knowledge. 

Before, he would either brush it off, change the topic, or just Chaos Control away after a moment of staring. This was before he had all his memories, when he was still closed off to others. Now that he actually had time to learn, relearn and grow comfortable around the others, they gave the answer. 

"June 18th."

"Hey that's a few days before mine!" Sonic beamed. "Heh, you're finally faster tha-" He trailed off as he realised something. "Oh. That's the-"

"The day we defeated the Finalhazard, yes."

"And the day you, uh...fell, huh?" It was a rare sight to see Sonic...quiet, upset, melancholic? Whatever the word, it didn't matter, as Sonic sprung back to his lively self.

"Hey, so I know big celebrations aren't exactly your thing, but I had an idea for a get together? To celebrate your birthday, because this one should be jovial. Would that be alright? It'll be close friends only, promise!" He crossed his heart for emphasis.

Shadow gave a curt nod.

"Coolio! Got any recommendations on what to do or bring? It's your birthday, so you should decide on anything major."

Shadow mulled over his thoughts for a few moments. Once he had a list, he started.

"Fireworks would be nice."

He decided he didn't want fireworks to be melancholy.

θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ 

Three days later, the night of his birthday party arrived. Just as Sonic promised, only close friends had been invited. Amy and Blaze sat on a tartan cloth under one of the many weeping willows, Rouge and Knuckles on the opposite side of said cloth.

Omega and Gemerl discussed battle tactics (For Gemerl, to protect, for Omega, because destruction is a must).

Vanilla acted as a referee for a game, participants including Charmy, Cream, Cheese, Chocola, Tails, Vector and Silver. Espio rested in a branch above Big, who played a catch and release game with Froggy in a nearby pond.

Sonic had just come back from setting up the fireworks, making his way to Tails. The only light at this time were the strands of fairy lights casting a soft glow, mixing with the cool glow of the full moon.

"Hey Tails! They're all set up, you got the remote?"

The young kitsune looked to his brother, pointing to a small table by the food. "Yeah, over there. Let's start it after this round, alright?" Sonic gave a nod and thumbs-up.

A few minutes later, all sat in either chairs or on the large picnic cloth. Sonic sat next to Shadow, who currently held the remote to launch the fireworks. 

"Since it's your birthday, you should get the honor." Sonic patted the biohog's shoulder. 

Shadow gave a quick glance and a (unseen) smile, then pushed the button.

_Niiiiiiiiiiyoooooooow…_

_..._

_KRAKOOM_

That was… louder than Shadow expected.

He jolted back, unnoticed by Sonic, his eyes narrowed on the neon colors as they flickered and faded. The others marveled at the sight, but Shadow gave an involuntary shudder, catching Sonic's eye this time. 

"Hey, you okay Shadow?" No nickname from Sonic, a sign of concern.

The red striped hedgehog shook his head once, then nodded. "Yes, just… the noise was unexpected, when I couldn't see it go off. Here-" They gave the remote to Sonic "-You should do it. You set them up, you should get the honor."

"But Shadow-"

"I set the first one off. I'm content with that." 

Sonic glanced at the remote, then back to Shadow's brilliant red eyes. He gave a curt nod, waiting for Shadow to look to the sky before pressing 'light fuse' again.

_Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiyoooooooooooow…_

_…_

_BRAKAAAAAN_

Despite actually seeing the vibrantly colored sparks as the shell popped, it did nothing to calm Shadow. Somehow ~~(he~~ ~~_knows_ ~~ ~~why)~~ , it made him feel _worse_. He managed to repress his shudder and stayed stock still. 

Sonic didn't catch this. He pressed 'light fuse' again.

And again.

_And again._

Each firework lit and launched made Shadow distance himself from the light, the sound, everything. After the third, he stood behind his chair ("My legs were getting numb," he told Sonic, "I'll sit down soon."). After the eighth, he put a few feet between the chair and himself.

"Okay, that was half of the sky fireworks-" Tails said to Sonic.

_Okay, that wasn't too bad-_

"We'll save the other half for the end. I have the remote for the ground ones. Can I set off the first?" Sonic gave a thumbs up.

Shadow reached for the pair.

 _No, wait-_

Tails pressed the button, not noticing Shadow's silent plea.

When he helped pick them out, he wasn't expecting this volume. They said crackling and popping, he expected something akin to frying food. Not these, these… these _gunshots_. 

He wanted so desperately to look away. He wanted to block out the combination of noise and light that made him feel as if he was back there, on _that_ day.

_(The running, the airless heaving, the flashing warning lights, the gunfire, her terrified expression, the heavy footfall, the yelling and screeching, the reverbing echoes, her shriek, ~~her b l o o d, her f a l l - )~~ _

The sounds were too much. The lights were too much.

 _He couldn't._

"Tails, wait." Sonic stood up from his chair, slowly approaching the now hyperventilating, mumbling Shadow. He held up his hands where Shadow would easily see them. "Easy, easy. Hey, Shadow, focus on me okay? Take deep breaths, look at me and follow along okay?"

_Who are you?_

In his panic, Shadow couldn't recall the _face_ of the one who currently approached him, let alone his name. None of the concerned faces clicked with his overwhelmed mind.

So with a too fast "Chaos Control", Shadow fled.

His subconscious decided fireworks were too much, _too dangerous_.

θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ 

_Idiot, idiot, IDIOT! You let the fireworks continue even though you were on the verge of a panic attack! Why didn't you stop it? You could've said 'Hey, I'm feeling overwhelmed, let's take a break!'_

_…I didn't want to ruin the festivities._

_So ruining your already not so great mental health is better than interrupting YOUR birthday party? That's bullshit._

_...Stop it. It already happened. They probably left by now. Just let it be._

_Well then, why won't you?_

_…I said stop. I'll be fine._

_You're still shaking. Why are you lying to yourself?_

Shadow drew in a shakey, deep breath, then knocked his head on the wall on their left. In their panic, they teleported to a backroom in the currently closed Club Rouge. It felt… comforting to be in the room, as it was Rouge' personal lounge. Many times when things became too much, she'd let them back here to rest in any manner they felt fit. 

This is one such time.

Shadow still trembled, an occasional hand or finger twitch presenting itself. His breathing still shook, but he was no longer hyperventilating. Resting his head in the crook of his elbows, he listened to the low humming of the radio Rouge never turned off. He was thankful, it helped distract him from the plaguing memories he didn't want to deal with. 

All was still for a while, Shadow staying curled up in the couch's far corner, which luckily was the farthest corner in the room. 

The clock recorded 10 minutes had passed when there was a gentle rasping on the door. Shadow peeked their eye from the crook it was nestled in, but didn't do anything else, much less to turn the door. 

"Hey, Shadow? Are you in there?" Sonic's gentle voice called from beyond the muffling thick wood. 

Shadow's breathing picked up again. He didn't know why, he wasn't in any situation he could perceive as dangerous. Why was it hard to breathe? Why is his vision tunneling? Why is the room getting smaller? _Why did it feel like he was back in the emergency escape chamber again-?_

" Hey, follow my voice. Look at me, okay. Can you _see_ me? If you can make me out, nod your head three times, no more or less. Can you do that?" 

At some point, Sonic had entered, turning them around so they were in a proper sitting position. He crouched down, close enough to catch Shadow if they fell, but far enough so they didn't feel crowded. 

_Make him out-? Oh, details. Not just a blob of color. Green irises, blue fur, pointed ears that are drawn back in concern-? Oh, he's worried._ Despite their mind still being foggy, Shadow managed three nods, no more or less.

"Hey big blue, here's some ice." Rouge walked in, carrying a small bowl containing a couple pieces of said ice. Sonic plucked one from the outstretched bowl. 

"Thanks. Hey Shadow, could you open your mouth? It's just an ice cube. It'll help, I promise." Once Shadow did so, Sonic gently put it in, the biohog closing it afterwards. 

In a few moments, Shadow's breathing even out, though still shaky, and his body tremors and twitching lightened up until they were slight, barely noticeable shaking. His vision cleared, yet still had minor darkened edges. Shadow's mind cleared enough for coherent thought. 

He saw only Rouge and Sonic in the room, the others either waiting outside or not on the premises at all. He swallowed the now melted ice thickly. "What was that?"

"It's a trick I learned a few years back. Ice cubes force your mouth to salivate, which shuts off the panic attack. It helps Tails out when he gets overwhelmed, figured it'd work for you." Sonic replied, standing up now that he knew his friend was coherent again. 

"I'll keep that in mind," both Rouge and Shadow stated. Sonic gave a small chuckle as the two glanced at each other. 

"Are you alright?" Sonic turned serious, his attention on Shadow once again. "You gave me a scare when you just up and vanished."

"I'm… fine, mostly." Their reply was curt.

"Oh hun, please don't lie. We want to know so we can accommodate for anything. Despite whatever the jerkass part of your brain might be saying, we _do_ care. The others back at the party almost came along out of concern. The two of us figured we'd be enough, you were already overwhelmed as is." Rouge held out the bowl, sensing he'd need the other piece of ice.

Shadow plopped it into his mouth before answering. "I enjoyed the fireworks, I truly did. But when I first saw them, they were quiet because of the… capsule I arrived in. Then in Soleanna, I didn't hear the fireworks because of the distance and volume of the crowd. So I assumed they were either silent or not too loud. Unfortunately, the unexpected- for me- high volume, in combination with the flashing lights, brought up some… traumatic memories." 

Rouge had sat down during the explanation, placing a comforting hand on Shadow's shoulder. 

"Shadow, why didn't you tell me?" Sonic rested a hand over his heart. "If they were causing you to have a panic attack, I would've stopped them. You're my friend, I want you to be safe."

Shadow hung his head, twisting an Inhibitor Ring. "I wanted to enjoy them. But I thought at first, that if I stopped them, I-"

"What, ruin the party?" Sonic crossed his arms. "It was your choice to have them, it should _damn well_ be your choice if we stopped them. And yes I just swore, the situation called for it, _neither of you tell Vanilla, Idon'twantanotherantiswearingclassplease."_ Sonic mumbled that last part.

All three had an involuntary shudder.

"The point is, you shouldn't force yourself to 'grin and bear' anything that is making you uncomfortable, much less causing a panic attack and relive trauma."

"But I do want to enjoy them; like the way she… Maria and I would when we scoured the photos we had. I'm not doing it because she wanted me to, I want to enjoy them for myself."

Sonic and Rouge glanced at each other in silent conversation. What could they do to help him?

Sonic snapped his fingers, drawing the attention to himself.

"So I got an idea, but we need to make a stop first."

He decided he _didn't_ want the fireworks to be dangerous.

θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ 

"Are you sure these will work?" Shadow raised an eyebrow at Sonic.

"Yeah, hold on, just gotta- here, that should be good!" The blue hedgehog handed Shadow a set of headphones and a pair of sunglasses. "Sometimes the machines Tails uses in the workshop get extremely loud, so we bought these. They cancel the noise quite well, either muffled or no noise at all. The sunglasses are to help dim the light, fyi."

The biohog adjusted the pads' position once the band was snug on his head. Once set properly, the sunglasses fit flush against the sides of his head, covering his eyes adequately. After confirmation that the gear was all set, Sonic took hold of the grond firework remote. In a blink, it was gone from his hands. 

Sonic turned to Shadow, whose finger hovered over the 'light fuse' button. Despite no words being spoken, a conversation was held.

_Are you sure?_

_Yes, I'm sure._

_I'm here. Tell me if it's still too much._

_I will._

_Ice is on standby._

_Thank you._

With both nodding, they turned their attention to the field before the group. Shadow stole a glance at Rouge sitting on his left, who gave a curt nod as well.

He pushed the button.

There was no noise to overwhelm. The lights were dim enough to not strain.

_It worked._

(Shadow smiled. Rouge caught it. She smiled as well.)

After lighting a few more, Shadow passed the remote to Rouge, who lit all but the last. That honor went to Omega.

After the first sky firework of the second set, Shadow tested himself by removing the sunglasses. He held a hand poised over the bowl of slightly melted ice cubes. 

The light, while bright, didn't bring any discomfort. He opted to leave the glasses off.

(He still put a piece of ice in his mouth. It felt nice.)

After the fireworks were done and the guest with young ones left, he stayed behind to help with clean up. Specifically, cleaning up the spent firework casings. Sonic, Rouge and Tails helped as well. The cardboard was brought to Omega, who was happily burning the 'pathetic shells' (his words) in the fire pit. 

"Here, these are yours." Shadow held out the headphones and sunglasses to Sonic, who returned from finding the launch shells. 

"Thanks, Shads. I'll find you a pair soon, promise." He crossed his heart. He turned, intent on gathering the remaining casings.

"Sonic." 

That had him turning around, a faint _'pop'_ from a near sound barrier break following. 

"I wanted to say thank you for… for helping me enjoy the fireworks."

"No problemo, Shads" Sonic gave a thumbs up. He started to turn again.

A pair of dark, red striped arms stopped him.

Sonic turned to face Shadow, which he couldn't do properly, because his head was on the side of his.

_Oh Chaos, Shadow is hugging me._

After a moment of not being sure what to do, he slowly raised his arms, hugging Shadow back.

_Ya know, he's being uncharacteristically sweet._

"If you tell anyone about this, say goodbye to your entire stock of sneakers and socks for a month. You will not find them until I say so."

_Aaaaaaaaaand there he is._

After the cleanup finishes, the flames from Omega's fun put out, the duo and trio exchanged their goodbyes and went their separate ways. 

Shadow decided fireworks really were lovely.

**Author's Note:**

> The way Shadow deals with the panic attack, and what he does afterwards with being more open to talking, is based on how I act after panic attacks/ meltdowns. (It's Real Self-Projecting Hours babey.)
> 
> The ice cube method does help. When having panic attacks, it's all or nothing. By having the ice cube in your mouth, it forces you to salivate and shuts it off. I've used this twice to stop myself from having them.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!!


End file.
